Thursday, March 18, 2010

3rd Annual Murphspot Mascot Bracket - Round Two - East Region

#16 ETSU Buccaneers vs. #9 Wake Forest Demon Deacons

Obviously, the buccaneer has got cutlasses and single shot pistols and some kind of disease that turns him blue. So you'd think they'd be more than a match for the Demon Deacons. Look at the mascot again. Look at his pupils. There's a chance the demon in question is methamphetamines. That might not be enough, but then I saw yet another picture of him on a motorcycle.

It's apparently all he does.

I'm convinced that he's packing heat in that top hat. Wake Forest advances.

#5 Temple Owls vs. #4 Wisconsin Badgers

I was very generous in giving the Owls a second-round berth, and I initially thought that since owls are birds of prey, they might stand a chance, but Wikipedia informs me that badgers are capable of fighting off wolves. I've never had personal contact with either badgers or owls, but I'm going to go with the one that fights wolves back over the one that steals Tootsie Pops from children. Wisconsin advances.

#11 Washington Huskies vs. #14 Montana Grizzlies

I feel good about this. I allowed a dog into the second round. I'm not a monster. Grizzlies, however, basically are. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that if a grizzly bear came upon a husky, the husky would wag its tail and then get eviscerated. No chance. And look how happy the grizzly is about the whole situation.

Hooray! The happiest bear in history!

Montana advances.

#10 Missouri Tigers vs. #2 West Virginia Mountaineers


I don't want to demean the hunting prowess of people who live in the Appalachian mountains. They can kill deer, and bears and basically anything that wanders across their property line. One of my favorite bits of the original Dawn of the Dead occurs when the main characters are flying from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh by helicopter and note that the residents of Central Pennsylvania are hunting the zombies for sport, because that's exactly what they'd do. Still, tigers are a different thing altogether, possibly. They're fast, they're pretty good at ripping throats out and they advertise sugary cereals, which would tend to give the Mountaineer Type II diabetes. The final verdict? West Virginia advances because the mountaineers in question are insane enough to get the job done before the tiger knows what hit it.

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