End of the Line

The shame about having a season that's only three games long and followed immediately by a single-elimination post-season is that it doesn't offer you very much opportunity to improve if you're, say, a bunch of chemists and biologists who don't spend much of their off-season practicing floor hockey. The positive side, however, is that everything's that much more intense and desperate and it tends to raise the level of competition.

Going into this week, we knew it was going to be rough. We were going up against Mat Sci Boron, one of the several materials science teams in the league. Evidently, while we're desperately searching for free pizza and a way to get our syntheses and kinetic studies to work, they're doing science with materials (I guess. I'm not really sure what happens in Mat Sci departments) and training around the clock. They said that this is the thing their department does together, and I'd tend to believe them, because they've been destroying their competition all year. So that's fun.

We went into the game having decided that we were going to have fun with it and try to play as hard as we could in hopes of taking down the behemoth. Then, they showed up.

I'll have to break here to explain something. If you've ever played intramural sports, you probably know that not everyone shows up to every game, and that's fine. Because we're all students, we all attempt to have social lives and we've all got more important things to worry about than intramural floor hockey (I know, blasphemy.) So we usually have one or two male subs and at best one or two female subs. The result is that in a hard fought game, we're going to get a bit slower by the end. So we show up with about eight or nine people and we're ready to go.

They showed up with seventeen. If we're going to win this one, we're going to do it against the numbers.


Unfortunately, Leonidas is out with a knee injury. And the ref kept getting confused when I referred to the neutral zone as "Thermopylae".

Challenge number one immediately becomes "how are you going to keep up with them if they're able to make a line change every two minutes"? No worries, though. We've played larger teams before and have held up pretty well. And maybe they'll treat it as a gimme and we'll be able to keep up because they won't be playing that hard.

No such luck. Mat Sci Boron came to play. From the drop of the puck, they were on us, fighting for every puck, blocking well and defending like madmen. They end up with a cheap goal. Sad times. A lot of teams, knowing they're going to be outmatched by the stamina of the other and already down 1-0 in the early first would give up.

Most teams aren't Team Rich Ahn.


Team Rich Ahn's biggest fan approves.

We start digging in corners. We push back. We fight for it and before they know what's hit them, Steven knocks it home. 1-1.


Joaquin Phoenix is informed of the goal.

The rest of the period is hard fought, but we don't get any more chances. I should say now, however that Erin was playing out of her mind in goal. I don't have a joke about that, except to say that she deserves credit for keeping us in this.


Seriously.

A 1-1 tie is, for us, a huge victory considering that we started playing a month ago and haven't seen a team this physical yet. We're feeling pretty good.

Then the second started. We started to feel the fatigue of playing the entire time, and let up a goal.

We resolve to get it back, and come out guns firing. Especially Steven, who rockets it down the court. Unfortunately, right into a delicate part of the anatomy of one of their forwards. He doubles over, stumbles off the court, then heads off to the locker room. Terrible, awful terrible thing to witness. I thought about making and "America's Funniest Home Videos" joke, but you know what? No. That's just not cool.

Must. Not. Make. Joke.

Damn it, fine.


The autoclave's not the only thing around here that makes things sterile.

Are you happy now? I hope so. Seriously, though, there's not much scarier that is going to happen in Co-Rec league floor hockey, and I really hope that the guy that was injured is ok. If by any absurd turn of events, you're reading this, guy-who-was-owning-us, get well soon with that. It looked rough, even though I didn't really see what happened until he was trying to get off of the court. And yes, it was absolutely nothing other than wrong place, wrong time.

They respond by putting up a few more goals on us (I can't recall the method of scoring was after the first, because I was sort of passing out from the running.) Second period ends at 4-1.

By the third period, we're mostly devastated, and give up another quick goal. Rich decides he's had enough and, in true Team Rich Ahn fashion, loses his mind. He fights off two defenders to get the puck down near their net, but they're just too solid at defense. I lose it and fight for a good while for the puck, but again, no opening. It's not until Ben gets into the mix that something happens.


Hebrew Hammerin' it home. 5-2

It looks like we might try a comeback, but we're just too worn down. It ends 7-2, but I have a feeling that if we would have played like that in any of our regular season games, we would have done much, much better. Mat Sci Boron was impressive, played a really solid game and I'll not be surprised if they make it to the finals.

We'll forget to get in shape again for next season, probably, but it was good knowing that we actually played a pretty solid game against a team that's probably going to be in the finals.

No shirts this year. We'll be back.

The Quest for the Shirt

Before I begin the recap of last night's game, I should provide some insight into the intramural system at Northwestern. There are three tiers of intramural sports which differ in their degree of competitiveness. The most competitive is the Purple League, which is comprised mostly of fraternities and are pretty athletic.


You wouldn't think it, but that purse is chock-full of kicking-your-ass-at-softball.

Next is the White League, which is mostly fraternities and a few graduate student teams and is slightly less competitive. It's also the league that sounds the most like a supremacist organization. This is the league my softball team tends to be in. There's a joke about the proximity of Evanston to Skokie, but it's early in the morning and I don't particularly feel like putting in the time to flesh it out.

Finally is the Co-Rec league. It's the only league with rules about the gender distribution on any given team, and is the least competitive (which is a bit misogynistic, if you ask me.) According to the Northwestern Intramural Captain's Manual, the Co-Rec league employs "altered rules to allow for fair competition and participation", which I think for floor hockey means that checking is restricted and there's no way to beat out an icing call. This is the league my floor hockey team is in.

Because of the nature of the league, only X+1 men are allowed on the court at any given time, where X is the number of women. If you've played in an intramural league, you might know how hard it is to get people in general to show up for games, and so if the people who don't show up happen to be women, it affects the number of players that can be on the court. I'm making a big deal out of this because it happened that while we were able to field a team, our competitors in the first round of the playoffs only had two girls show up. The upshot of this is that they were only allowed to have three guys on the court, and so we were kind of on a power play for the entire game.

So that was fun. I'd feel bad about that (and do, because they seemed to be frustrated that people that had signed up weren't showing up), but we had the same restriction and rules is rules, as someone who was a great philosopher of competition, but a less than stringent judge of proper grammar once said.

As a result, we played about ninety percent of the game in their end. Within the first few minutes of the game, Preeti rockets it into the net. 1-0. A few minutes later, the tone of the game becomes clear as I get it behind the net and get it to Steven at center, who takes advantage of the fact that he's more puck-cannon than human being.

2-0


Just a tinge.

We continue to knock it around in their end before Ben gets it at half court, unloads and earns himself a nickname.


That's right. Nicknames are now based on Comedy Central movies. 3-0

Before the first period is out, Steven comes up big again twice to put us up 5-0. I'd describe them for you, but the sheer force of the shots put into words might cause your computer to explode.

Second period comes and goes without much action. Kaibigan gets it down near Team Rich Ahn's goal a few times, but Meera channels Patrick Roy despite the fact that she doesn't know who that is and keeps them scoreless. I get the puck a few times right on their goalie and get tripped to improve our situation to 5-on-3, but can't seem to put it away, and the score remains 5-0 going into the third.

Third Period. Kaibigan's going to have to come out big if they want to pull off the win, but it's not like there isn't precedent for this kind of thing. More importantly, our hero (me) hasn't done much this game besides the one assist. Things are looking desperate. Then Steven knocks it down the boards and I finally figure out how to get around the goalie.


Top shelf. 6-0

Rest of the game goes without incident. Meera holds on to the shutout and Team Rich Ahn advances to the next round of the playoffs. I'd tell you who we're playing, but the bracket's sort of screwed up. We're playing better as a team, actually making good passes and can win games if we're a man up the entire damn time. I also discovered that if I bike to the game and barely make it, I'm somewhat tired. I shouldn't do that.

Stay tuned for your Team Rich Ahn Playoff news.

Playoffs

It's finally here. What you've been waiting for for your entire life.

Team Rich Ahn in the Intramural Co-Rec League Floor Hockey playoffs.

The fact that every team in the league is automatically in the playoffs should not be something that concerns you. We're about middle of the pack the way the standings were computed, so we should be playing someone who's about at our skill level. Is it possible for Team Rich Ahn to advance? Sure. A few years ago my softball team managed to knock off the No. 1 seed (in a more competitive league) which was enjoyable in how much it annoyed the hell out of the opposition. Expect a full recap of tonight's festivities when I get around to it.

Floor Hockey, The Final Week

I'm still recovering from the marathon that was that last post (looking back on it, I probably should have split it up, and that would have taken away the necessity for me to write a post right now) but am also about to collapse from exhaustion in the wake of our final regular season floor hockey game. Still, my commitment shall not wane and you shall get your recap.

Week Five of the Floor Hockey season, and with byes on weeks one and four, this was the third game for Team Rich Ahn. And, as luck would have it a rematch against the team that humiliated us 6-1 in the first week.

But we've grown since then. Gotten stronger. Better. We've learned how to play and have been practicing. We're ready. Surely, this will be a rematch of the ages.


"Deep Blue" would have been a much better team name than "Team Rich Ahn". Just saying.

First period started pretty smoothly, and we seemed to be much more evenly matched than during our first matchup. Unfortunately, they're actually better at moving around than we are, and put up a goal about halfway through the first. Sad times. It looked to be on the way to another blowout.

And then, from downtown, Ben comes up huge to tie it. We survive the rest of the first.

More or less as soon as the second period started, though, we gave up two straight to put us down 3-1, then another where it sure seemed as though their forward knocked it out of the goalie's glove, or at the very least, entered the crease to put them up 4-1.


Just replace Hasek with Erin and Hull with "Some Guy I Don't Know".

We'd end the period 4-1 after Stephen's attempt to tie things up got denied on a play that will remain forever shrouded in controversy, as the puck seemed to cross the goal-line, but then was suddenly ejected in a smooth, sweeping motion that also knocked the goal out of position, forcing a faceoff.


You won't believe this, but there's apparently no co-ed intramural War Room. What a joke.

Starting down by three goals is no way to go into a third period. Sadly, that was followed by a garbage goal from their forward who's been giving us grief all day. 5-1.


For some reason, it hadn't occured to me that the first few images of a GIS of "garbage" would be Shirley Manson.

Shortly thereafter, Ben gets a bit tired and calls for me to sub in.

What can I say, lucky bounce, and an open shot. 5-2.

Everything's looking up. Unfortunately, that same forward finds another shot that bounces off the post. 6-2.

Things are grim. Stephen, who's been rocketing it down the court all day, sort of gives one of the better players on their team a bloody nose by lifting the puck into his face. Words are exchanged. Their defensemen start calling foul, and that we shouldn't be hitting the puck at them that hard.

Here's a tip. Don't want to have a puck hit at you with all of Stephen's might? Don't play hockey.



Intramural Badminton starts in a few weeks. Maybe that's more your speed.

No sweat. Stephen gets down the court, behind the goal and flips it to center. I'm going to brag about this one, because it looked like we practiced it. I notch my second goal of the game. If there were spectators, they'd be cheering.

Time's winding down, and with one last chance on a breakaway, Stephen scores again. The refs disallow it, saying that time had expired. Bill Belichick has no comment.

Final Score: 6-3. Better than 6-1, considering that they disallowed two of Stephen's goals, and we did it with fewer subs, more court time per player and without the support of George F. Will.


We're not conservative politics or baseball, and so this guy couldn't care less.

I'm happy with how we played, and I think we've got a good shot at not being immediately eliminated in the next round. The team we played this week was seriously just in much better shape than we were, and without making excuses and all joking aside, they're solid kids. Check back in here for all your Team Rich Ahn Floor Hockey coverage.

I'm Why I Can't Have Nice Things

So, in addition to being incredibly tiring (which is likely also a side effect of the fact that I can't bike in when there's ice everywhere, and so I'm not exercising as much as I was during the summer and fall, which probably isn't good), floor hockey has been doing something that causes me to wake up the next day with a really sore back. I think it's probably because I'd been playing for the past few weeks with a junior stick, so I had to bend down pretty awkwardly to have even the tiny ability to control the puck I had. As a result of the fact that I'd rather not spend Tuesdays unable to stand up straight, I've gone out and spent the fourteen dollars that buys you the cheapest wooden stick at Sports Authority that's actually a proper size. There is that unfortunate "A. Ovechkin" on the shaft, but I'm sure I can put some tape over that.

I'm not going to use it much as we don't have very many games left this season, most likely, and then I won't have another game to use it in until next winter, but I've also discovered that when I'm waiting for chemistry to occur (that is, once I've set everything up and it just needs to sit and stir for a while), it's incredibly good stress relief to go to the stairway that no one uses and knock a puck around. Mostly after people have gone home but I'm still in the lab because of my terrible sleep schedule. So maybe it'll get some use between now and next year.

However, I've not taken it in to work yet, and so I've spent the last half hour learning why I shouldn't have a stick and a puck at home. There are scuff marks on my kitchen tile and a bunch of things have been knocked off my bookcase. I'll have to spend a little while cleaning, but every time I get up to put the papers I knocked down back, my mind short circuits, realizes there's still a puck in the room, and forces me to head back to the kitchen to play with it again.

I think this cycle's only going to cease when I figure out a way to lose the puck in my apartment until Monday.

The Game

You probably thought I was going to have a lapse in my daily posting. And that, I submit, is just a horrible underestimation of my dedication to this thing.

By which I mean you'd have been right. I'm exhausted now and would really like to lie down and sleep, but this is way too early in this experiment to fall behind.

The appetizer situation was solved by a brilliant purchase of bagel chips and spinach dip at the Morse Market.


Saved the night about as much as David Tyree

I'd do a recap of the game, but everyone saw it, those of us who are rational and were cheering for the Giants rejoiced while those of us who have souls blacker than a starless night wept. A team of researchers is trying to determine how the hell Eli avoided that sack. And, this year at least, I was happy to see the Giants pull it off, and I was glad to see them pull it off in such a solid game, where the officials stayed out of it for the most part and didn't make any enormous mistakes. I was going to make reference to some joker who tried to explain that the Patriots actually won if you screw around with how the clock was kept and presume that the Giants wouldn't have changed their strategy if there was no time left, but he's removed it from YouTube, presumably because Fark picked up the link. He seems to be a minority, though. I haven't read too many Pats fans who are doing anything but giving the Giants credit. Incidentally, if you want some entertainment, go read one of the Fark threads on the Super Bowl.

It what is undoubtedly a bigger game, however, Team Rich Ahn (because our captain didn't get the team name to him on time, so they used his name) had a matchup against "Kaibigan". If you'll recall from the video, our last attempt at floor hockey resulted in a 6-1 loss, three broken legs and our head coach's resignation. Tonight, however, things were different, except that I stuck with #19.

Why the hell not.

We were much more coordinated on offense along with absolutely stellar defense (our third period goalie, Meera, had two saves on two shots on goal, as did the goalie for the first two periods Erin.) Their goalie was solid, blocked me four times and had a terrific stop against Steven, but could not sustain the awesome throughout. One goal by Preeti, a goal by Erin (on which I'm claiming an assist) and a sick backhanded goal by Steven tied up a 3-0 shutout.

Because this is the Northwestern Intramural system, there's only one game left in the regular season. Then the playoffs arrive.

This is going to be intense. Come to Murphspot for all your intramural hockey needs. For all your actual hockey needs, you'll want The Pensblog. OT losses that move us into a 3-way tie for first are not kosher by Murphspot, but I'll leave the recapping on that to the people that do it best.