I guess, if we're going to go with Mascots rather than team names, we've got to judge this on Jack the Bulldog and not an ill-defined team name (which may be part of a phrase which is a cross of Latin and Greek because apparently students in the 1890's were hipsters and neither classical language was, alone, obscure enough for them). Apparently "Hoya" is also Mayim Bialik's middle name so concievably this could be a matchup between Rams and Blossom. Even if we stick with Jack the Bulldog, I'm going to have to go with the size advantage the Ram's got, as well as the ridiculous horns. VCU advances.
#3 Purdue Boilermakers vs. #14 St. Peter's Peacocks
To be fair to the Peacocks, Purdue always puts up a pretty good fight in these mascot brackets, whether I'm defining them as steam-powered trains or simply the people who make the steam-powered trains. So the peacock is really overmatched. The fact that the school name is a possessive (and that these are St. Peter's peacocks) conjures up images of the Gates of Heaven guarded by trancendentally fancy birds which doesn't help it in this fight, but is pretty fantastic in its own right. Purdue advances.
#7 Texas A&M Aggies vs. #10 Florida State Seminoles
The Seminoles have to get points for actually getting permission to call their team the Seminoles. Plus, they appear to have a horse, which gets them the "actual live animal mascot" bonus and a spear, both of which probably aren't involved in basketball.
They also appear to have people who are lost and in khaki shorts. Which aren't an inappropriate mascot for Florida, actually.
The aggies are, I guess, agricultural school students. Which is unique, I guess, in that it's the only one of these mascots that's actually accurate. And they'd probably have a fighting chance if this were a "find a way to utilize modern farming techniques efficiently" contest. It's not. It's a fight to the death, and I'm going with the guy that has a spear over the guy that has some engineering texts. Florida State advances.
#2 Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. #15 Akron Zips
The zips have a kangaroo. With a statue.
And a McDonald's!
So there's that. I'm not sure how swift kangaroos are in the wild, and I'm not sure what kangaroos could have to do with the name "Zips", but I do know that the name originally referred to a brand of galoshes, which is awesome and something they should have stuck with. If this bracket broke down to "choose the thing that will let me avoid wet socks", Akron would win every year. Every. Year. They'd certainly do better against the Fighting Irish, who I'm going to say can take down a kangaroo. Are kangaroos hard to kill? I have no idea. Oh no. Maybe they're Terminators. Is that why the statue's metal? Have I underestimated the Kangaroo Threat? These are thoughts for another day when I'm less sleep deprived. Notre Dame advances