I've written before about how the idea of Jupiter has always been unnerving to me, primarily because of the Great Red Spot. I'm not an inclement weather kind of person. I like nice, moderate temperatures with some occasional rain but mostly clear skies. The idea of a storm larger than the planet I'm on doesn't sit well with me. The bulldogs, on the other hand, are bulldogs. There are approximately 80 other schools that have entered bulldogs into this tournament, and I don't see them advancing more readily against a giant meteorological event. St. John's advances.
#3 Brigham Young Cougars vs. #14 Wofford Terriers
I think I'm giving off the impression that I have something against dogs. I really, really don't. I like dogs. Dogs are awesome, and I wouldn't want to piss most of them off. Even the tiny, yippy ones. It's just that they're not very formidable when going up against something that lives in the mountains and has giant claws, and survives by killing things pretty much constantly. Most dogs I've known got their food by waiting for a bowl to be filled, not by ripping out anything's throat. I think. I hope. It'd be really odd to find out that most dogs I've known are actually much more capable than I'm giving them credit for. But if they are, they're doing a good job of hiding it, so I've got no choice but to go with the obvious result here. Brigham Young advances.
#7 UCLA Bruins vs. #10 Michigan State Spartans
On one hand, Spartans probably have some sort of armor and weapons and presumably some level of strategy-making ability, and even against bears, I've got to think they've got a fighting chance. On the other hand, bears are terrifying and as far as I know never became a tourist attraction for the Roman elite. Bears, on the other hand, were never narrated by David Wenham.
Though not Spartan, I have to believe that Gondor would have been fine against bears.
Michigan State advances.
#2 Florida Gators vs. #15 UC Santa Barbara Gauchos
The Gauchos were last year's Murphspot Mascot Bracket champions, and I've got a feeling they're going to be a force to be reckoned with again. Yeah, gators can eat you (and were inexplicably my alma mater's mascot, despite the fact that I don't think alligators are exactly thick on the ground in northwestern Pennsylvania), but I can't think that the whole "gator wrestling" thing would have become a thing if it weren't possible to outsmart them. Plus, a close look at the Gauchos mascot reveals he's possibly Meta Knight.
Separated at birth.
So we've got a reptile that eats puppies and a guy with probably a sword and bolas and a fantastic hat. UC Santa Barbara advances