At first glance, this seems to be a classic matchup pitting man against beast and could actually be a sporting match, as the Aztec mascot’s got a shield and spear, as opposed to, say, a Howitzer.
And North Carolina State specifies that it’s a wolfpack, and if this is going to be an entire pack fighting one Aztec Warrior, it’ll be a struggle. On the other hand, the mascots for North Carolina State are Mr. and Mrs. Wuf.
This is where we’re starting.
Listen, I get it. You’re a mascot, you’ve been around for a while and your wardrobe was picked out in the 30’s, but this is severely limiting my ability to pick NC State.
The Aztec Warrior headgear, on the other hand, is awesome.
Maybe this is the Murphspot Hat Bracket after all.
San Diego State advances.
#3 Georgetown Hoyas vs. #14 Belmont Bruins
I should go back through my brackets and see if I’ve ever advanced Georgetown through the first round. They’re named after their cheer (“Hoya Saxa”) which is Greek and Latin and irrelevant in a Mascot Bracket. They’ve got Jack the Bulldog, who is a bulldog.
The Bruins have the advantage of being brown bears, who historically have done very well in Murphspot Mascot Brackets. And Ray Bourque.
This isn’t even a competition. Jack’s adorable and all, but he’s also, what, 60 pounds on the high end? And he doesn’t have ridiculous claws?
#7 Saint Mary’s Gaels vs. #10 Purdue Boilermakers
Oh, man am I sad it’s taken this long to get to Gael Force One.
Look at this.
That’s a ten foot tall knight who’s apparently made of mylar. That’s just great. Not terribly effective on the battlefield, but a fantastic use of inflatables technology. Actually, Gael Force One (who seems to be named by splitting the difference between Gaels, gale force winds and Air Force One) might have been useful for demoralizing an enemy, so long as they don’t have the ability to shoot projectiles at it.
Purdue, on the other hand, is a train, which (in the limited number of Westerns I’ve actually watched) seems to be pretty hard to actually stop. Presuming Gael Force One has to stay on the tracks (or if the Purdue Boilermaker is some manner of magical train that can travel without rails, which I guess is really just a truck and hence not very magical), this is going to end with a collision and a blow up knight bouncing ninety feet into the air.
And that is how you get a parade started.
#2 Kansas Jayhawks vs. #15 Detroit Titans
And we’re at the all-mythical matchup. Jayhawks were Abolitionists who associated themselves with John Jay, which has somehow come to be personified in Big Jay, a giant blue bird with shoes.
Actually, the shoes were added by the guy who was designing the mascot specifically so that it could kick opponents, which is pretty awesome and hints that they knew, a century in advance, that some guy in Chicago would be writing a series of posts about mascots actually fighting each other.
The Titans, on the other hand, are presumably huge deities who preceded the Olympians. The Titans’ mascot does nothing to dissuade this.
His expression only works if his head is tilted back, and he’s constantly saying “Well, well, well, what do we have here?”
As noble as the cause of the Jayhawks is, they’re not Zeus and so they’re likely going to have some issues with the sword-and-shield wielding God of Foam Rubber.