I would like a sandwich

A new era has begun. A new era in which I'm tired all the time and my calves really, really hurt.

I've decided, over the past few days, that I should stop being a fatass. This is a shocking change to my previous positions on this issue, which have all been pro-fatass. After analyzing the data, I have discovered it is in my best interest and the best interests of all humanity to do something other than eating chips while bathing in cola. Please do not misconstrue this as a flip-flop on the fatass issue. Rather, as more evidence has come to light, my position has been forced to become more nuanced.

I've, as of this writing, tried to limit myself to one pop (or soda, or whatever you heathens call it) per day (which has been tough, as I'm a graduate student and therefore depend on vending machines for sustenance) and have been going to the gym, which if you know me should shock the hell out of you. Previously I've avoided it because I'm out of shape and had some wacky idea in my head that I'd get in shape during the summer when I was biking a lot anyway (hopefully, by that point, on roads that aren't entirely made of potholes), and so would start going to the gym then without the embarrassment of being a fatass, but it appears that that's just nutty. I'm worried that I'm going to just abandon it in about a week, so I'm trying to make that my March Project and will be keeping track of it somewhere that's not here and if I fail, I'll either post about it on here or, more likely, keep it as a private shame. If any of you who read this have any suggestions for what I should be doing there, let me know, because I'm basically clueless.