#16 Austin Peay Governors vs. #8 Colorado Buffaloes
Once again, I'm led to worry about whatever sort of executive authority the Austin Peay Governor (who, I guess, is probably Austin Peay). I can't actually find much about the historical Peay's stance on Buffalo or Colorado, though it turns out he's the guy who signed the law that kicked off the Scopes trial, so I guess there's that.
All we can do is take a look at the mascot and see if The Governor seems like the sort who would get a kick out of slaughtering some buffalo. Buffaloes? Buffali.
 |
| It's what makes him feel alive, as it turns out. |
Oh my. So, yes, then.
Austin Peay advances.
#12 South Dakota State Jackrabbits vs. #13 Hawaii Rainbow Warriors
Regardless of whether or not we eventually stick with the "Rainbow Warriors as Jedi" assessment, I'm having trouble thinking of a way for the Jackrabbits to stand up to really anything at all that has "Warrior" in either its name or description. The floppy ears suggest defense and evasion more than anything aggressive, and the backwards baseball cap just makes me kind of sad.
 |
| We're about due for a remake of The Fly, except instead of Jeff Goldblum and a fly, we could have a rabbit and Fred Durst. |
Aside from invoking the Kennywood coaster, this seems pretty straightforward. Even if we *did* go the coaster route, it's hard to think of a less threatening challenge for Hawaii. Maybe if they were facing the South Dakota State Racers.
Hawaii advances.
#6 Arizona Wildcats vs. #14 Buffalo Bulls
This bracket has, at times, been pretty strongly hat focused, and Wilbur definitely beats Victor E. Bull in that regard. He also beats him in the Mascot Name category, as Victor E. Bull is just really lazy.
 |
| Previous Victor E. Bull (above) would likely have taken the bracket as a result of aw-shucksness. |
On the other hand, he's some sort of bobcat and I cannot conceive of a way that the weight advantage doesn't figure in here. I guess it's possible that whatever Blue Cattle variant Victor is an example of is the size of weasel, but that's probably not the case.
Buffalo advances.
#10 Temple Owls vs. #2 Villanova Wildcats
Will D. Cat at the very least appears to be some sort of panther, and his alarmingly blue eyes are a pretty good indication that he's hopped up on something.
Meanwhile, we have Hooter. I can't actually tell I'm supposed to infer that Hooter is simply keeping with Temple's school colors or if he's actually been outfitted with a prosthetic steel beak. I presume it's the latter, because I don't know what the hell goes on in Philadelphia.
 |
| Hooter is the Tycho Brahe of owls. |
That decided, I've got to think the more weaponized Hooter is actually able to pull off an upset against Yet Another Wildcat.
Temple advances.
#16 Southern Jaguars vs. #8 St. Joseph's Hawks
Southern's definitely got the size advantage, and I'm concerned that they would be able to somehow use the network of Jaguar mascots to summon Jaxson de Ville, and with him a reign of terror that threatens to destroy the NCAA, or at least provoke some rule changes about where mascots are allowed to be.
 |
| Jaxson de Ville is still a threat. |
And yet, all I can think about is the stamina of an otherwise non-descript hawk who never stops flapping. I don't know. I'm not sure that can be weaponized, but it seems to be overwhelming enough to provoke an upset.
St. Joseph's advances
#5 Baylor Bears vs. #4 Duke Blue Devils
To be honest, I'd sort of expected that the bears would be working in concert with the Devils if only because they're agents of chaos and malice.
Sure, they might occasionally deliver some packages, but they don't remember the series finale when Baloo ate literally everyone.
 |
| If this were the hat bracket, which might be preferable, he'd have a shot, I think. |
On the whole, I'm going to say that the Blue Devils are able to more strongly control the emotional/psychic damage game, and that the bear's claws can't hold up against whatever the Duke Blue Devil is tempting him toward. I assume barbecue? Probably tempting him toward barbecue.
Duke advances.
#11 Northern Iowa Panthers vs. #3 Texas A&M Aggies
If any of the time I spent playing Red Dead Redemption means much of anything, direct contact between a big cat and a horse usually ends with the horse getting eaten and the rider being stranded in the middle of nowhere in Fake Texas with only his fast travel to save him.
 |
Add in the fact that TK Panther definitely has a coat of Vibranium and this isn't much of a contest.
Northern Iowa advances.
#10 Virginia Commonwealth Rams vs. #2 Oklahoma Sooners
Presumably, part of what the Sooners were doing in moving into Oklahoma would be to deal with livestock, which makes this seems pretty one-sided. Boomer and Sooner might have a tough fight ahead of them, but Rodney's mechanism of attack puts his head in harm's way, while the Oklahoma Ponies get to just turn around and kick.
I'm afraid this goes to the Pete Wentz Ponies.
Oklahoma advances.
No comments:
Post a Comment